Holiday driving etiquette

Because I'm feeling uber-bitchy (*unfolds pregnancy card*) and because me and my unborn child cheated death multiple times on the road yesterday, I just wanted to take a moment and outline some holiday driving "tips", if you will.

1. USE signals. Hold up your arms in front of you and make the letter L with your pointer fingers and thumbs. The hand that can form the letter L properly is your LEFT hand. So, if you are turning LEFT, turn your little "blinkie" DOWN. If turning RIGHT, flip it UP. LEFT = DOWN, RIGHT = UP. Do NOT drive with your hazards on EVER, unless you are having a seizure or heart attack. In which case, you probably shouldn't be on the road in the first place, mmmmmk?

2. In crowded parking lots, do NOT hold up 15 cars just because a car in an attractive location in relation to the store YOU need to go to MAYBE looks like it's going to pull out and your lazy ass doesn't want to walk an extra few feet. You can use the exercise, trust me! And there will be other parking spots, I assure you. You are just begging for a good keying.

3. While we're on the subject of parking lots, how about you get your freaking cart out of a perfectly good parking spot?!?! I've seen many a good parking spot rendered unusable due to the lazy lard-asses (see #2) who don't feel like returning their carts back to the proper place. You need the cardio, dammit, and we need parking spaces people!

4. Cell phones. Look, I'm guilty of using them while driving as well. However, I don't screech to a halt as soon as that phone rings, and then drive at about 25 mph because I can't multitask properly. Or almost rear end other people while punching in phone numbers. I had thought this phenomenon would go the way of the Dodo bird with the introduction of bluetooth headsets, but apparently no such luck. Cell phones were dumbed down for us, and if you still can't use them properly, maybe you shouldn't be driving at all!

Sorry if this came across a bit harsh. I'm no Danica Patrick myself, but I've also never committed these egregious driving sins. With the weather getting ever crappier, I wanted to remind everyone to drive safe. We all have 347,872 things to do every day, but we don't necessarily have to risk the lives of those born and unborn to get them accomplished. On that note, happy, healthy and safe holidays to all! :)